...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
