Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
