Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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