Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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