Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
