who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
