Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
