and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize