I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
