Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
