The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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