The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
