PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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