Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
