but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
