New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize