and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How naked do you want me to be?
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