I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
