Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
