I accidentally burped into my bong.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
