I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
do nipples grow back?
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