Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
