Already got asked if we're dating
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Randomize
