Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
