we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
