Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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