but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize