Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
