So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize