I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
