my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
