i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
