conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
