Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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