yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
