I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
