glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
