you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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