I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
