I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize