After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Pooping to opera.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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