So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
