i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
