My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize