You made me cry and you don't even care
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
