i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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