She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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