i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
