I'm gonna have a badass scar
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
