You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
