so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
