Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
