Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize