Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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