sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
