I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
too bad you live with your parents still
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
