dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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