Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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