I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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