I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
