im drinking this country out of the recession.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize