Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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