dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
