Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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