12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
