I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
