I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize