I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
