after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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