So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
