Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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