I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
