Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My ass is underappreciated
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
