I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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