i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
