hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
