Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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