i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
