This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
