he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize