If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
