Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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