Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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