goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
