I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize