no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You made out with two different species that night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
