I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
