well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
