So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
