Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
