I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
