I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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